大家好，我是實力養成班/ J2TOEFL機經顧問Jacob.
最近顧問時間幫同學看作文的時候，發現同學練習了一陣子已經沒有偏題的問題了，但有「例子不夠具體」的問題，或是著墨的地方不太對，特別寫了這篇文章跟同學分享，看看自己是否有類似問題喔！
作文題目是：It’s important for the government to provide money to things that are beautiful and not just for things that are practical. 20120715CN
同學立場是贊成政府應該要花錢在實用的東西上，最後一個理由是：
Last but not least, the government usually concerns about efficiency, and spending money on the practical things can enhance its efficiency. For example, it usually takes a few days to process application from the citizens such as applying their tax records, changing their expired passport. The reason is that the government has to go through all procedures manually. In order to enhance the efficiency, the government should spend money on the computer systems. Then the computer systems can process the applications automatically and save time for both citizens and the government. On the other hand, if the governments spend money on unpractical things, the efficiency cannot be improved.
可以發現這同學發展比較多的是：通常政府怎麼樣沒有效率。
但應該更具體發展的方向是：政府花了錢在「什麼實用的東西」上，而因此「怎樣的」有效率。
針對怎麼樣變得有效率，同學只有用一句話”Then the computer systems can process the applications automatically and save time for both citizens and governments.”帶過，並沒有太多的發展，就會讓文章不夠具體。
應該要繼續發展的方向是政府投資在有效率的東西上像電腦系統後，本來要 經過人力審查的東西可以用電腦輸入，原本一個小時的事情只要十分鐘就搞定，對公務員或是對一般民眾來說，都很有效率。
再看另一位同學的例子。題目是Which one of the following values is the most important to share with a young child (5-10 years old)?Being helpful, being honest, or being well-organized? 同學的立場是being honest是最重要的。
其中一段的理由是：
Second, children do not want to leave bad impressions on their teacher, and being honest can leave good impressions on the teacher. For example, I didn’t avoid any problem and did not lie to anyone so that my teacher always trusted me; he assigned me a lot of important tasks so that I could learn a lot of different things. In contrast, if my parents didn’t tell me about the importance of honesty, I would think lying to people in not a bid deal and nobody would believe me, and the chance to get important assignment will reduce. Thus, being honest can help children leave good impressions on the teacher.
這裡發展著重的點是因為我誠實，所以老師相信我給我很多任務，讓我學到很多事情。但主題句是being honest can leave good impressions on the teacher,所以應該著重在「怎麼樣誠實」，然後因此「如何讓老師留下好印象。」應該要發展的方向是，小時候我很誠實，有一次在學校撿到錢，我沒有把他花掉而是直接交給老師，老師知道後非常的高興，還在班上所有同學面前表揚我，從此老師對我的印象就很好，也很信任我。
所以以上這兩位同學其實並沒有偏題，例子的發展是有扣到主題句的，只是可惜的是發展的比較少、不夠具體，就會顯得較沒有說服力。所以同學在寫作文或甚至口說的時候，想要更具體些，都可以再仔細的審視一下自己的主題句(論點)，就能比較具體。
舉例如果有困難，可以參考我之前寫的兩篇文章：
口說寫作例子延伸方法
口說寫作例子發展法 part 2
例子是獨立寫作的得分關鍵，能不能從22分進步到25分以上，關鍵就是例子的具體程度，相信同學注意以上的例子發展，一定能讓分數有明顯的進步！
