Chris寫作篇連載03｜如何寫出高分又生動的例子？

大家好，我是SK2衝刺班顧問Chris，又到了寫作專欄的時間囉！

今天的分享會延伸上周寫作篇系列02，大家可以點入這個連結回顧一下題目與主題句：https://reurl.cc/9Z6GoV

主題句撰寫完成後，我們該如何用具體的例子論證呢？同學寫例子時，往往會過於抽象、講空話，導致無法說服考官，最終只能到21-23分。若想要知道自己寫的段落是否有以上問題，坐在書桌前面的你，不仿花個五分鐘，用跟我一樣「學生在乎careers理由」寫出一個段落，寫完後，再看以下的解說，你會對28-30分的段落更有感

先幫大家回憶一下主題句：

First of all, students always care about their careers, and volunteering to work in their community can help them obtain a decent job. 主題句確認沒離題，接下來思考「在乎生涯規劃的人，通常會在什麼時間點，做什麼具體的行動，進而得到好的工作？」

TIPS：用「連環問」方式，把某動作「拆解」為更細微的步驟

大家可以想像，「面試而得到工作」的過程：

Step 0. 確認思路

當志工➜ 有實務經驗 ➜去面試➜ 面試要做什麼呢？ ➜與面試官討論履歷 ➜討論履歷的什麼？ ➜可能是專業上的實務經驗➜ 這樣就會有工作了嗎？（不會）➜那還能幹嘛？➜展現自己所長 ➜目的是什麼？➜ 讓面試官印象深刻 ➜被面試官喜歡 ➜當場錄取

於是你可能會想出以下的關鍵字：

(Why) Care about careers (how) obtain a decent job

➜ (what 1) talked about professional skills on resume.

➜ (what 2) demonstrate your ability

➜ (what 3) impress the Interviewer (or manager)

注意：what裡的細節，一定要與care about careers有「直接相關」，一旦有了what的關鍵字，我們接著才把這些「細節」變成「更豐富的情節」。

是怎麼做到的呢？

STEP 1. 想題目裡面的元素如何「具體化」

Students: Janet, study National Taiwan University, major in mathematics

Community: local library

A project: to teach senior high school students math

STEP 2.思考故事時間的前、中、後：　

In 2017 (long break) ➜ a year later (interview) ➜ after interview ➜ obtain a decent job

STEP 3.套入what的（V.+O.）關鍵字，加入「題目元素、時間、事件、地點、物品」

於是整個段落就會變得像這樣：

First of all, students always care about their careers, and volunteering to work in their community can help them obtain a decent job. Take my friend, Janet, as an example. There was a three-months break at National Taiwan University in 2017. Since Janet majored in mathematics, she taught some senior high school students math in a local library, helping them get good grades. A year later, when she interviewed for a new job as a cram school teacher, she talked about her professional teaching skills on her resume. Also, she demonstrated her ability to teach an empty class on the spot, impressing the manager with her some hands-on experience. As a result, the manager employed her as an official math teacher without second thoughts.

同學可以觀察一下，我是如何把這些生動的元素，巧妙地放在段落裡頭？如：in a local library, in 2017, math, cram school teacher, teach an empty class...

那是因為我真正去想像一個面試的「場景和情節」會是什麼樣的狀況，才會有這些細節產生出來，換句話說，在例子裡可以多利用「想像的力量」來讓細節更豐富，如此，這就是一個托福的高分段落，而具體包含的元素為：

1. 切題

2. 具體

3. 關聯